Goodbyes suck

On the weekend I had to say goodbye to a very dear friend of mine. She and her family moved interstate, leaving a very big hole in my life. We had only known each other a couple of years, and we were very different people - but we grew to become good friends. More than friends really - like sisters.

Below I've written what I wrote on my card to her. One, because I know how easy it is to lose a card when you're travelling and have kids, etc, so she'll be able to come here and read it, and Two, so that I can also go back and be reminded of how much she means to me now that we no longer see each other every week.

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To my dear big sis,

Thank you for the past 2 years, 3 months and 3 days (yes, I checked!) - who would have thought after that first awkward encounter that we'd have become such good friends!

I wish I had the words to express how much you mean to me. I (and BBB too I'm sure) am going to miss you and your little family more than you realise. You're family, and it's really going to suck not seeing you and the kids all the time.

Thank you for befriending this shy, awkward, often boring, naive mum! Thank you for your humour and honesty - you've certainly opened my eyes to a side of life I've never known! Thank you for your support through my pregnancy and birth with GG - I would never have had the beautiful experience I did without your support. And thank you just for being the awesome person you are - you are a gorgeous person my friend, and I hope you learn to accept that!

I am going to miss our 'cuppa time' and our maccas lunches, and just being there to watch our kids grow up together.

Good luck with your travels and new life back in the sunny state. Please don't forget us down here.

Much love to you and the kids,

from your little sis,

S
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At first her leaving felt surreal. Now it's slowly starting to sink in. And it really, really sucks. I keep wanting to talk to someone about how I'm feeling... and then I realise the person I want to talk to is her, and she's not here.

I know we'll see each other again (hubby and I have been talking and planning the trip already), but it's still not the same.

I'm really going to miss you sis... and all the kids. Off to have a little cry now.

On a not so rainy Saturday...

...6 years ago, I was sitting in the back seat of a car, engulfed by white fabric and tulle. As we drove through the tunnel of trees that led to the chapel, my Dad said gruffly "I hope Sir Jon knows how lucky he is". I smiled - my Dad had been feeling more emotional about this than I had. "Yes Dad, don't worry, he does". We spent the next couple of moments in silence as the chapel came into view. Surprisingly, I still wasn't nervous. I kept expecting to feel nervous but it never happened. I was feeling strangely calm, oddly at peace.

Finally, the big moment was here. The car stopped, and after some fussing with the dress and a few photos, I began the walk towards my future husband. I remember Dad making me walk slowly, like he was holding me back. He could probably feel me trying to walk too fast - I just wanted be at the other end of the aisle standing opposite Sir Jon. We'd been apart for almost twenty-four hours, and seeing each other again, at our own wedding - words can't describe. We had a million things we wanted to say to one another, but all we could do was smile and stare at each other with thirty of our closest family and friends watching on.

The ceremony was short, simple, and I don't remember a great deal of it. Or the rest of the day for that matter. It's all such a blur, I'm glad I have the video to look back on (and to edit, one of these days). But the lead up, I remember that vividly.

So, Happy Anniversary to my husband and best friend, Sir Jon. It has been an amazing six years, and I look forward to all the amazing years we have ahead of us.

My poor neglected blog

Oops.

It's been a while since I've posted. My poor neglected blog. My poor neglected 4 followers. I'm so sorry to have kept you waiting for an update on my absolutely riveting life.

And what have I been up to you might ask? Well, as a mum the answer is everything and nothing. I am flat out every day, but come the end of the day I couldn't tell you what I've actually done or achieved.

Part of the reason I have been neglecting my blog is that I have been trying to focus on my parenting... I've minimised my online time and have been spending more time with BBB and GG. My friend Mel was partly inspiration for this (hi Mel *waves*), but it was something I had already been thinking about. I was never addicted, but we had our computer smack bang in the

middle of the lounge room, so it was oh-so-easy to refresh Facebook or hit 'New Posts' on my forum on my way past. Our computer is now a bit more out of the way, and as a result I have noticed I am using the computer much, much less.

Another change we've made here is reducing TV time. I don't have a problem with TV and kids watching TV - hey, it's been a lifesaver here some days! What I had noticed here though was BBB just wanted it on all the time - it was a habit for him, and for me. And the big one - it was stopping me from spending time with BBB. We could go a whole day without me actually doing much with him, and it's not like I needed it on to entertain him while I was busy with GG or other things... it really was just habit. This isn't the kind of mother I wanted to be, so I've made a

change. This change involved rearranging some power-points and a long stick (BBB could turn the TV on no matter what we did, so we made it so that we turn the TV off at the power-point, but this also means needing a long stick to reach the switch!). Now the TV is almost never on, and already BBB is over his TV obsession. We turn it on for Playschool, but not much else.

Now I actually play with BBB and enjoy him.

And what's not to enjoy - he is absolutely beautiful.

More photo play!

The weather around here is finally starting to warm up, so I've had a chance to take some outside photos of GG. I ordered a beautiful ruffle skirt not long ago and have been waiting for an opportunity to put it on GG and get some photos ever since. So, when the weather was nice yesterday I headed out to my friends house and took some photos of GG in amongst their beautiful garden.

Here are some pics:

I could honestly take photos of Gorgeous Girl all day!

Photo play - with my Gorgeous Girl

One thing I really want to get into is photography. It's been on my To Do list for a long time now.

We have an okay camera, a Canon 1000D, but I'm yet to teach myself how to get the most out of it. I still have fun taking photos though - and with such gorgeous kids as my subjects our hard drives are quickly clogging up with photos!

Now that GG is sitting up (she still falls over a bit, but still), I wanted to get some nice photos of her in her new beanie, and a few other cute clothing items I bought especially for photos. Here are some untouched photos from today:

Then I thought I'd get creative, so I stripped GG down to her nappy and hung a white sheet behind her:

I'm hoping to take some photos at a friend's house soon. She has a beautiful garden full of flowers, so it should make for a nice background.

All this for 40 minutes of bliss

I'm lucky enough that BBB still has a day sleep, and a pretty decent sleep at that - usually 2-3+ hours every day. This means I am also lucky enough to quite often have both kids asleep for a little while through the afternoon. GG is more of a catnapper, so it may only be 40 minutes - but it's wonderfully relaxing to have that quiet time to myself. Some days, however, the effort involved to get both kids asleep makes me wonder why I bother...

Today for example: I got BBB down first after 3 or 4 books, while GG in that time had fallen asleep in her rocker. I come out of BBB's room and turn the monitor on - he's there chatting away to himself. GG had woken up so I took some photos of her in her cute beanie (another post). Suddenly BBB is crying, so I run into his room. No idea what's wrong but he's really upset. I bring him out to the lounge room and calm him down. We read more books and he goes back to bed. Finally I can feed GG and try getting her to sleep. She starts looking sleepy, then BBB bangs on his door so I have to get up to get him back to bed. I try feeding GG again, but she isn't looking sleepy anymore, so I move into our bedroom where it's dark with the curtains drawn to try getting her to sleep in there. She's almost out so I lie her down, but it was too early and she wakes up. I lie down next to her to try getting her to sleep that way. Then all of a sudden I hear footsteps and BBB banging on the door yelling for me. I put GG down (still awake) and go into BBB. His big cow (a cheap farm set figurine) that he had taken to bed with him was on the floor near his bike and he had to tell me and have me pick it up and take him back to bed. With BBB back in bed I try getting GG to sleep again. While I'm getting her to sleep I hear what sounds like BBB banging on the door again, but I only hear it once, so I leave it. Finally GG is asleep and I can lie her down. I go to check on BBB thinking he is still awake, but am pleasantly surprised to find he is asleep - it must have been the cat. Finally, an hour and a half later both kids are asleep and I can enjoy my 40 minutes of bliss... aaahhhh

The tears! The drool! :(

You would think that I'm talking about Gorgeous Girl (GG), but no... the tears and the drool are courtesy of Big Brown Eyes today. He has been sad all day and I have no idea why - just tired I guess?

We went to a new playgroup this morning and before we could even get through the door BBB was pulling on my hand not wanting to go in. I was holding GG, so did my best to drag him through the door. He's usually so chilled out, I thought surely he'll settle down once we're in there and he sees the toys. No such luck. Once we got through the door he cried and cried and cried, the whole time with a hand shoved in his mouth and drool running down his arm. All I could do was sit with him and wait for him to calm down while everyone looked on at the new mum with her hysterical child. At least GG was happy. Eventually he stopped crying and he had a play while GG slept in the carrier. He still stuck by my side, but at least he was happy. Morning tea time came around and there was even cake. Cake! Cake! BBB loves cake, I thought we might be onto a winner. BBB happily ate his cake and watched some of the kids playing chasie. But then they turned some music on, and it was LOUD. The volume must have been turned up from last use and it made everyone jump. Poor BBB in his delicate state just couldn't handle it - he burst out crying again and didn't stop. We left soon after, both exhausted.

Throughout the rest of the day he had a few more big cries. Once because I said I wouldn't read 'Mr McGee and the Biting Flea' again, another time because he fell off something and another (quite rightly) because a little boy who had come to play bit him on the shoulder.

Any mum will know this, but listening to your child crying all day is completely draining! I felt so deflated and so worried about why my usually happy, cruisy BBB was suddenly so sensitive and miserable. The usual questions run through my head: Is he sick? Is he depressed/unhappy? Am I doing a crappy job as his mum and that's why he's like this? Or... maybe it was just a bad day? We all have them, even when you're two and a half. Tomorrow is another day, so let's hope it's a better one.

Here we go...

I swear becoming a mother has turned my brain to mush. I used to be mildly intelligent, but these days I struggle to put simple sentences together... so I apologise.

Anyway, a bit about me.

I am 25 and married to my high school sweetheart, Sir Jon. We've known each other since we were six, got together when we were thirteen, engaged at eighteen and married at nineteen (I turned twenty the next day). We're now approaching twelve years together as a couple and six years of marriage.

In that time I have had a few part time jobs and been at university studying (though am yet to complete my degree)... but more importantly, I have had two children who are my world. Seriously, I love these kids - so excuse me if I start gushing!

My first born is Big-Brown-Eyes (BBB) and he is two and a half. He is kind and affectionate. He is a quiet studier. He is laid back - very little bothers him. He has been a very 'easy' first child. He is a loving, gentle big brother.

He is starting to talk more and more now, so the things he comes out with often have us in hysterics. Most recently he has decided that word 'bum' is very funny. The phrase 'stinky bum' is absolutely hilarious! Giggles galore!

Big-Brown-Eyes

Gorgeous Girl (GG) is four and a half months. Already I can see how different she is from her big brother. She is smiley, and chatty, and loves people talking to her. She is a funny little thing, and just beautiful. She loves snuggles with mummy and already has her daddy wrapped around her finger. She absolutely adores her big brother - her eyes will follow his every move. At the moment she is learning how to blow raspberries. She hasn't been successful yet, but it is oh-so-cute watching her try!

Gorgeous Girl

I'll try my hardest not to make this blog all about my children, but I won't make any promises! I guess that is part of my reason for wanting to start a blog. To try and not lose myself entirely in being a mum. Hopefully writing here will reawaken all that intelligence and creativity I had once upon a time!

Mummy Mine

So, I'm a little late catching onto this whole blogging thing...

I need a place to write though. I used to keep journals as a teenager, but then life got busy. I now type faster than I write, so a blog makes sense.

Choosing a name for a blog is hard, hey!? To try and sum up everything you want to write about in a word or short sentence is a bit of an ask! This is the name I've come up with. It's based on a book I read quite a bit to my 2 year old son (Big-Brown-Eyes):

Big-Brown-Eyes loves it. It's full of baby animals snuggling up to their mummies. I love it too.

"Mummy huge, Mummy hairy, Mummy spiny, Mummy scary! . Mummy flutter, Mummy chatter, Mummy tiny - pitter patter. Mummy loud, Mummy stomp, Mummy munch, Mummy chomp.

Mummy full, Mummy grubby, Mummy croak, Mummy chubby. Mummy jump, Mummy funny, Icky-sticky Mummy honey. Mummy snoozing, Mummy lazy, Clumsy Mummy - whoopsy-daisy!

Mummy noisy, Mummy nosy, Mummy carry, Mummy cosy. Mummy cuddle on the vine, Mummy kisses... Mummy Mine!"

So many different mummies doing different things, and their babies love them all the same. I like that!